littlewolf's Blog

A mime is walking aimlessly through a forest.

A tree falls on him.

Does anyone care?

Derek the Clerec i know there is a challenge from you somewhere in here and I accept it.

-littlewolf

I accept both the longsword and quarter staff

Joe and I will bring 1)Macaroni Salad and 2) baked potato dish

These are fabricated corporate slogans that would never have made if far if they entered the real world.

Microsoft: "How much are you going to pay today?"

MTV: "Loud and easy to spell."

Saks 5th Avenue: "You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But That Would be Stupid!"

Iguana: "The other green meat."

Nike: "Just buy the shoes, you flabby spineless lump!"

Daisy Air Rifles: "Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years."

Canon Photocopiers: "Quit calling them Xeroxes!"

Apple MacIntosh: "Hey, we thought of it first!"

Radio Shack: "You've got questions, we've got geek losers!"

Professional Bowling on NBC: "Oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?"

A solution to all of your drinking troubles

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.

Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Bar swaying.
Fault: Air turbulence unusually high - maybe due to darts match in progress.
Solution: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

Symptom: Bar moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar - if not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.

Symptom: The opposite wall is covered in ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it.
Fault: You have fallen over backwards.
Solution: If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar.

Symptom: Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and dog-ends.
Fault: You have fallen over forwards.
Solution: Same as for falling over backwards.

Symptom: You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot see your bedroom walls or ceiling.
Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter.
Solution: Check your watch to see if its opening time - if not treat yourself to a lie in.

Symptom: Everything has gone dim.
Fault: The pub is closing.
Solution: Panic.

It was a little rainy on saturday... just a little! :) Had an awesome time. Missed those of you who could not make it!

Derek the Clerec i know there is a challenge from you somewhere in here and I accept it.

I decided that we fight longsword against shortsword and shield. Sorry Rob, forgot to post that. i am not sure which one of us will have which weapon, but it should be interesting!!

everyone please move to your underground manbearpig shelters immediately, for he may come to PA since being spotted in Ohio. x.x

Yea... Bigfoot is an over-rated ape-monkey-human thing. There have been so many alleged reported sightings and 'evidence' that i have tuned out articles... and until they find 'DNA' or catch one and put it in the zoo (though this may cause it to eat other animals no matter it's containment--which may be funny) i could care less whay people allegedly find.
Thanks for the article share!!

dude... that just cheered me up. I thought it was hilarious!

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

Air Pollution is a mist-demeaner.

Editing is a rewording activity.

Make yourself at home .....clean my kitchen

Allow me to introduce my selves

Better living through denial

I'm just working here until a good fast food job opens up....

Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done

Too many freaks not enough circuses

I am very excited. I think it is gonna be a good tourney-- it is very different and I like that I get to pick and choose in a sense who i get to fight.

Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships : " DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE - XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS "

At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: "Belt your family. It's the law."

Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: "Broken English spoken perfectly"

At an Applebee's restaraunt: "NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!"

Fitness Center sign: "Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself - regardless of the facts."

In restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends."

On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: "Rome wasn't built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor."

A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: "A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS"

Leigh, due to the amount of fights I already have I will accept one of your fights. You may choose which one you would like to fight me with, either the sword and shield or the rapier and dagger. Let me know what you decide.

As always, I will be there all three days

No more than two packages of beer at a time may be purchased, unless you are buying from an official "beer distributor"

You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
Motorized vehicles are not to be sold on Sundays.

You may not catch a fish with your hands.

It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.

You may not sing in the bathtub.

Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents.

Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish.

It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.

Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, but a hunting license is required to hunt on your own land.

Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.

A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel.

Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.

Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk.

All liquor stores must be run by the state.

A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.

It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding.

Carlisle, PA
In the middle of town, one must pay a fee of $50 dollars a year to park on a particular block. At night, however, the cars must be moved for street cleaning. This law is enforced even if snow or ice prevents the cars from being moved.

Connellsville, PA
One's pants may be worn no lower than five inches below the waist.

Danville, PA
All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.

Millville, PA
The sale of alcohol is prohibited.

One may not shoot any dog that is found wandering the streets.

Morrisville, PA
It is required that a woman have a permit to wear cosmetics.

Newtown, PA
Every outlet or switch (which can be purchased for 59 cents) that is installed requires an electrical inspection fee of 1 dollar and 33 cents.

Pittsburgh, PA
No one is allowed to sleep on a refrigerator.

It is still illegal to bring a donkey or a mule onto a trolley car.

Ridley Park, PA
You cannot walk backwards eating peanuts in front of the Barnstormers Auditorium during a performance.

Tarentum, PA
Horses are not to be tied to parking meters.

Just because i FEEL clumsy with it does not meant that I AM clumsy with it... :)

I agree... History of Violence and The Dark Knight were really good. I appriciated them. I appriciated them GREATLY

Rob, I accept your challenge. Let me ponder what we should fight with. hrm..

Not sure I have an absolute 100% favorite weapon. I can tell you that a weapon I do not like very much is the staff, but maybe that is because I feel so clumsy with it...

good to know!

I know that the single stick class has long since started, but does it have an end date? If by some miracle I ever get a monday night off work I would be interested in coming to a class.

Has anyone seen a movie recently that has good fighting of any kind in it?

Dormitory == Dirty Room

Desperation == A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code == Here Come Dots

Slot Machines == Cash Lost in 'em

Animosity == Is No Amity

Snooze Alarms == Alas! No More Z's

Alec Guinness == Genuine Class

Semolina == Is No Meal

The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I Bet

A Decimal Point == I'm a Dot in Place

The Earthquakes == That Queer Shake

Eleven plus two == Twelve plus one

Contradiction == Accord not in it

This one's amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare]

To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Becomes:

In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.

And the grand finale:

"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." -- Neil A. Armstrong

becomes:

A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!